Online dating is even worse. I can’t even put my picture on a dating site since I can’t appear in pictures anymore (try a selfie when you have no reflection…) and having in mind that the last picture of myself I own is from the 1530’s…well, you can imagine how that would look. I won’t even get started on answering some of the online profile questions (such as, ‘Do you like to drink?’ or ‘What is your favorite food?’).
So, eventually, I came to the conclusion that dating can be very tricky for vampires, and because I don’t want you too to stumble across any of the obstacles I’ve encountered, I’ve created a short set of guidelines for single vampires on how to deal with dating mortals.
Why date mortals you ask. I realized that dating one of my own is just not the way to go. Most of the male vamps that I’ve met are either romantic-psychotic or absolutely miserable with their own immortal existence. The thought of spending eternity with one of them makes turn into a bat and fly away screaming. Yes, it’s true, there are a few rare, good ones left but those are the ones that are afraid of commitment. Especially because if I say I want to stay together forever it actually means together…forever! Male vamps still remain men and their fear of commitment chases them away even after death.
So there you have it, date mortals and when you do, do try to take into account the following suggestions. I wrote them from my own perspective as a vampire woman, but these tips apply for both genders.
- Time of the date
What do you do when you can only date at night? A lunch date? Impossible. A picnic? No way (not all of us sparkle in the sun you know, most of us just prefer spontaneous combustion!). The perfect excuse is to tell him that you have a night job and that you sleep during the day (which is true) and that you want to meet up in the evening.
Avoid public places where they have mirrors or too many distractions (especially with our heightened senses). Avoid restaurants at all times. It won’t be pleasant keeping a straight face every time someone cuts themselves and you smell the blood, trying not to scream when you touch silver by mistake or accidentally eat garlic. Use the excuse of having a lot of allergies.
- Avoid Talking About…
- Your age. Just don’t mention it.
- Future plans or goals, this one gets too tricky.
- Your hobbies, unless you have some normal ones.
- Don’t talk too much of your qualities. Yes yes, it is quite an achievement to never get sick, always be in shape, to be very persuasive (don’t say you can compel people), intelligent (you can talk about a variety of topics having in mind that you’ve lived for I don’t know how many years) and being such an energetic person (less energetic when you are not feeding but let’s not tell him that either).
- Appearance-What to wear to not look like a bloodsucking nightmare? You can’t change the pale skin and when you put on a fake tan you look ridiculous. Just say you are allergic to the sun and stay your own alabaster-skin self. Do try to dress up like they do nowadays and don’t show up in Victorian corsets or medieval long dresses. They are beautiful but you are trying to look human and catch only your date’s attention, not everyone’s eye, so do remember that.
- The End of the Date-
Do not invite him over! It will be very difficult to explain the coffin to him. Don’t bite him! That will ruin the night and don’t tell him what you are because that will pretty much ruin everything. Oh and no matter how desperate you are, don’t try to change him in to a vampire! Trust me, just don’t! Just be a lady, let him kiss you if he wants. At the end of the date look in his eyes and say ‘Thank you for this lovely date. Goodnight!’ and say it accompanied by a fang free smile.
Story by Niguanta of Romania
Life as a vampire can be very complicated, but the range of jewellery from Alchemy makes accessorising in vampire style simple. Catch your mortal’s eye and shimmer like the moonlight with the Eventide Necklace[P655] and matching bracelet [A99] and dropper earrings [E318], with the mother of pearl and Swarovski crystals to dazzle your date. Pair these with the Drakvlya Gem Brooch [BCH1] and Darkling Bat Slide [HH1] to show your inner bat.